GRAB HAPPINESS

I've always wondered why most people say that HAPPINESS is a choice. For me, people would always choose to be happy. I mean, who would not want to be happy. I may be being sarcastic about it but I never really believed that saying because for me it isn't a choice. You are put in a situation and it's either you become happy, sad or neutral about it. It's nobody's choice.. for me, it is FATE. Although fate can also become someone's excuse for failing or for not doing their best. My mind is scattered, I have so much to say about love, happiness and fate. I read so many books and somehow things get mixed up in my brain.

You see my mind has so much to say but really why would you let things slip away. If you want it, GRAB it. Just as long as it's free. I mean, just as long as you won't hurt anyone then there's nothing really wrong about it. We don't really know the future. NO ONE knows the future. So why fear it? The only thing you could give yourself is a CHANCE. A chance to be happy. Chances are for free. If you don't give yourself a chance then prepare yourself for all the "what if's" in your life. I can't imagine living life that way. That is an advantage of being a straight forward person. Whatever I say I mean it. I do not want to have to live life looking back on things I could have done. 

The reason why I am writing about this is that I think right now, a lot of people are in this situation. Some have waited for more than a decade to actually confess his feelings. GUESS WHAT??? It's TOO LATE! The other one had the chance to go grab it but he didn't. He played dumb and now things are drifting away. I can only imagine how bad he feels right now. And the other has all the chance, they both know they have feelings for each other but are too scared to actually admit it to themselves. Why would they not grab the chance to be happy??? Just be there for each other and BE HAPPY! We all know that good things have an end so whether it ends or not at least you've known how good it is or was. DO NOT BE AFRAID, GRAB IT! Damn it! 

Did you feel the intense feeling? (lol) Ok so I don't know how I am going to end this blog. My heart is really beating so fast. I am feeling so in tensed. There's so many things I want to say but who wants to read an awfully long blog with scattered ideas? Anyway, I will just end this blog with a big heart. No matter what, always try to be happy. Remember, just as long as you're NOT going to hurt anyone- GO FOR IT! For crying out loud, GO FOR IT!

I chose a wounded or mended heart because I believe everyone's heart has been wounded and should be mended. It's just wounded not dead, it still works :)

Jinkie: Pisces

She is one of my closest friends. She reads me like an open book. Sometimes I hate it when she's around because I can't hide anything from her.  All my facial expressions and my gestures are hints of my true emotions and like I said she reads me like she's a psychic or something. If there's anything that I do not want her to know or I don't want her to tease me to, I would turn away to hide my eyes and my smile. YET she still notices it. You really have that ONE friend who does that. 

I met Jinkie at work. We were so young and so simple. We were hopeless romantic fools, so vulnerable and can easily get manipulated. We read Twilight and listen to KC and Jojo. We practically grew up together. We learned things together (not that we did things together but we were on the same phase- falling in love and getting BADLY heart broken). We talked about BOYS all the time. She's someone that I can open up to, she's trustworthy. 

As I know her, she's very innocent. She's very transparent that even when other people thinks she's kind of off she still speaks her mind and never gets conscious about it. I think that's what I love about her the most. I think she's pretty and sexy. I've seen her improvements- outfits, the way she talks, EVERYTHING... I've seen her in her college sort of activist look with torn skinny jeans, three-fourth Artwork blouse and Chuck Taylors. But now she wears mini dresses and doll shoes. She's so lovely. The way she expresses herself shows that she's matured, she talks a lot of sense now. Not that she lacked sense before but now it's just different 'cuz she no longer based everything on love quotes she found in the internet and also not with Horoscope. I mean, she still talks about Horoscope but not as repetitive as she does before. The only thing odd about her is that she drinks BITTER coffee. I mean, who likes bitter stuff? Anyway, we all have odd habits and beliefs. That don't make her any less prettier, just a bit odd. 

The reason why I am writing about her is because she came here to visit me and asked me over and over again to write about her in my blog. And I feel like I am obligated to do it 'cuz every time I have a new blog I send the link to her so she can read it and I honestly like it every time she says it's nice. She even told me to write a memoir for her. LOL.

She's one of my treasured friends and I hope she'll be happy when she gets to read this (she should be, I've said so many good things about her lol).  I look forward to more years of friendship with her. I wish you all the best Jinx 'cuz you deserve nothing less. Love ya!

PS: Yes we get fat but the fatter we get the prettier we become :)

Day Before CHRISTMAS

GLOOMY! The day before Christmas is gloomy. I wanted to avoid writing anything about negative things but my energy is really low today. My heart feels heavy- it thinks that it's sad. But I know I am not. There's no reason to be sad. Darn you female hormones! You know how it is when this monthly visitor comes to visit. It ruins your mood and probably your outfit! Arggghh

While everyone is exited about the holiday, I want to be in bed. When I wake up (I imagine) I have coffee that is prepared the way that I always wanted it to be and pancakes. I want to cuddle with someone. I want to be in my underwear. I want to be really lazy. I want to be comforted and I want to feel loved. I want to feel really special. I want my favorite songs played in the background. I want to stay like that the WHOLE DAMN DAY!

In reality, there'a lot that I need to do. I need to buy gifts for my sons. I can't believe this. I've been so busy doing a lot of things that I forgot to actually get them something for Christmas. I mean, I had it in my mind but I told myself to get it "later" so Bas wouldn't have the chance to ask me over and over again to open his presents. So now I need to rush. In this mood, I need to actually push myself to go to the mall- squeeze myself in (I know malls will be crowded) and FALL IN LINE at the counter. 

Enough with the whining! Just do what you're supposed to do because you don't have a choice. - note to self.

#okbye

Stunner of the Night

I promised myself to write something in my blog daily. I find it a good stress reliever. Being able to just speak your mind and read about it later is a good therapy (I think). I was going to write something negative today but I deleted the things I have started to write because I didn't want to read about it later or after a few weeks, months or years when I read back stuff that I wrote in this blog. So I decided to write something that made me really happy this weekend.

It was the company Christmas party and as I wrote in my previous blog I really took the time to arrange everything- my dress, shoes, accessories and make up. GUESS WHAT?! .... I won STUNNER OF THE NIGHT! 

Forgive my awkward pose. I am not used to having a lot of make up on and I'm not sure whether make up looks good on me or not and the fact that I was being photographed with everyone looking at me makes me really wanna melt. Anyway, there you go, all of my hard work paid off. I loved the way my hair was set. I asked the beautician if there was a way we could make it permanent but he said there's none. You'd have to have that gigantic curling Iron. I honestly am not very patient in doing those girlish stuff. I like my hair rebonded so it stays straight and organized after combing it. I know I could really get girlish but I don't have enough patience to do it. Also, I have to say that your fashion sense really improve as you grow older. Reading magazines would also help a lot on learning what to pair with what. It's a nice feeling to win a beauty-contest-like competition. Actually it's the feeling of being recognized that makes you feel really good. It was my first time and the feeling was awesome!

Feeling like a real stunner, I didn't want to go home straight after the party. We all went to Matina Town Square. It's a local party place. It's not really a cozy place but it's laid back and everyone likes to be there. We didn't have a place near the band so we opted to be in a quiet private place. You know how it all starts, it's quiet and awkward at first but people start coming out of their shell, throwing jokes and laughter starts. It was almost 12 midnight before we even know it. A city ordinance wouldn't allow people to order more after 12 midnight so we decided to add 2 more buckets of beer. After we finished it off we headed home. Actually a lot happened but there's too many to actually put it into writing, I don't even know where to start. But it was fun. It's always fun hanging out with co-workers and not talk about work.

I know I should be writing about this in a really enthusiastic manner and I SWEAR that I really had fun that night. But I heard a news today that made me sad. I shouldn't really care about it but when it involves my children's lives (or feelings in the future), it really affects me. Forgive me. Anyway, no biggy, I know I will get over this in no time.

Christmas Party Outfit

It's Christmas and everyone is very busy preparing for Christmas and there are Christmas parties EVERYWHERE. Our company Christmas party will be on Sunday, December 21st. It will be held at a hotel ballroom. I already have my outfit ready, all I need to do is go to the salon early on Sunday to have my make up and hair done. I'm very excited! I like playing dress up. I am more excited in dressing up than going to the party itself. For me, it's a great way to relax and unwind- feeling beautiful and sexy, feeling like a celebrity. 

Speaking of celebrity, my inspiration this year is Kendall Jenner. She's 10 years younger than me but she's so pretty and I like her sense of style. She doesn't really get too cheesy on outfits. She's into trendy stuff that are not just for girls her age. 

I initially wanted a Lacey outfit. Lace is classic and elegant. I was going to have a tailored one but was too lazy to look for the perfect fabric for it. So instead I went to the mall and just searched for a classic but trendy type of cocktail dress that is, of course, influenced by Kendall. 

My outfit on Sunday is similar to Kendall's dress in the picture. But since the theme is blue and/or white, I opted to get a navy blue dress. and I am going to pair it with silver shoes, silver pouch and all my accessories are silver. I am still deciding if I will wear a hot pink lipstick or a matte velvet red lipstick. I guess I'll just ask the make up artist. 

It feels great to have something to look forward to. I am having butterflies in my stomach already. My date will also be there. I know he will be staring at me and will watch my every move. We won't be there together though. We will be apart. He will be my date in my heart and mind. I know that I will be for him too. LOL. I know you know what I mean. HAHAHA!

First Blog Post In Years

It's been about 6 years since I last posted a blog. I love to read and I love to write. So, starting a new blog shouldn't really be hard for a blabber mouth like me. I wanted to start a new blog since I am starting a new life. LOL. Well, seriously, I am. It's just that I think it's such a cliche when people say that. But it's true. Every time you go through a tough time in your life and manage to get out of it, it feels like you are a new person and that (of course) you live a new life. 

New Life

There was a drastic change I needed to go through because of something that occurred that is beyond my control. At first, it was hard for me to let go and just be on autopilot for a while.  It's not easy to let go of life plans and priorities that you've been holding on all your life, especially considering the challenges you needed to go through while fighting so hard for it. Anyway, that belongs in the past now and I can proudly say that it was worth the fight. It made me strong enough to face a "new life".

I have no idea what my "new life" has in store for me but I am sooo up to the challenge. So far, it's been good and I am very happy. My priorities and life choices have changed a lot- like 360 degrees and because of that I am confident that it is going to be a better ride for me this time around.

Love

Since I am going through all of these changes because of this "sacred" feeling- LOVE (I still would like to think that it is SACRED). I decided to write about it in this blog. Surprisingly, I do not know how to start and I do not know what to write about it. I literally stared at the computer not knowing what to write and not having any thought in mind. I realized that the thought of it scares the heck out of me. Having experienced all those heartache and pain I now know myself better. I know how I am capable of loving someone so much that I forget about myself. I love unconditionally. When I love, sky is the limit. I love like a crazy person. I am a hopeless romantic fool. I am starting to conclude that love isn't for people who are so unwise like me. I don't mean to be melancholy but is there really someone out there who's deserving to get the kind of love that I can give? I hope so... in the meantime, I'd like to just enjoy and wait where all of these so called love/life adventures would lead me to.

Hopefully I get to really set aside time to write and blab about my adventures and misadventures in this so called new life of mine. =)