You Got It, Girl!

I need a breather, seriously! I can feel my brain giving up- I wanna freeze! How could one survive doing 4 different things at the same freaking time??? Like, chatting with 3 different clients, solving a customer service issue, training email customer service, doing an FB task and training about chargeback. I have been bouncing around these stuff since last week and early this week. Oh man, I never thought I could do such thing.

I am really not complaining at all, I mean, I know it’s hard and it gets into your nerves but it’s a really nice achievement to be able to pull it off. At least I didn’t end up in a mental facility or something. Actually, I might though. LOL!

So, in a really "effortless effort" to cool things off, I would like to do the “currently” thing that I regularly write in here. Let’s see how mental I could get, lol!

Currently

Reading

Customer service emails.  *Pff

Writing

I had my customer service agent update our product info spreadsheet, so I now have the time to write my blog aside from writing customer service responses. Alleluia!

Listening

I really wanna listen to Boyce Avenue right now but obviously I can’t because I am in the office.

Thinking

I am thinking about how exciting it would be to write a blog with DeLLia. I recently loaned a laptop from the company, a Dell Inspiron 3552 and I fondly call her “DeLLia” for a very obvious reason. I loved her the first time I ever held her in my arms; I think she’s sexy, just like me. LOL!

Smelling

My new favorite baby cologne! It’s funny how I thought about not revealing the cologne’s name as I had weird and irritating experiences of people getting ideas from me and using them as if it was theirs. Time for hugot?lol! But yeah, it’s kind of sickening actually. I pity them though; I can’t imagine how it sucks to be in their position. I mean, you can’t even identify what you want for yourself. All you can do is copy? Or if you see something cool you apply it to yourself to appear or at least feel that you’re cool. That sucks! Man, it’s like writing a blog about how you feel and yet you just copied it from another blog, so your life is an entire plagiarism? Haha! What a darn comparison. Anyways, this cologne is heavenly! I love it!

Wishing

I really feel that I am heading towards the right direction in terms of improving myself and my life in general. I am not saying it’s perfect but I can proudly say that I am doing something about it. With that being said, my wish is for me to be able to continue to be blessed with people who not only give me good company and laughter but also influence me in making good out of all the resources that are being laid in front of us. In other words, I wish our endeavors success.

Hoping

That whatever problems may arise in the future, I am ready to face them and that the universe would continue to transpire to help me with my desires. 

Wearing

My cream uniform, this is what I wear every Thursday US time and I don’t really have a lot on my plate on this day usually and that is the reason why I am able to write this blog right now.

Loving

As what I have learned (the hard way), loving isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, there will always be challenges- not just the stuff or people around you but also within you. What matters is that you are willing to work things out for the person you love and vice versa. Wow! Romantic? Haha.. naahh!

One thing that I love the most is the bond that I have with my children. There’s this unexplainable bond that connects us, there’s this understanding in the deepest parts of our hearts that by just staring at each other's faces (considering how young Zaak is), we know and understand each other. This is with no exaggeration. I know a lot of moms can relate to this. This wonderful communication moms have with their children is so majestic.

Wanting

I really have this want that I want to keep for myself =)

Needing

HAIRCUT! Lol.. I have decided to try not to rebond my hair. I wanted to rebond it and cut it shorter but someone told me that I should try sporting my curls because they’re nice. I really don’t know.. I haven’t really appreciated them ever since because I thought they looked like lion hair, but if I set it really well, I think I can pull it off. Let’s see.

Feeling

Sickly.. I think I need to have my eyes checked; the nausea I’m feeling is too much to bear =(

Being able to identify certain parts in my current standing/status tells me that I need to be really thankful for being sane and happy. Like I said, it’s not perfect but I have learned to accept and be in unison with the tide.

I have so many plans and I’m glad I’m doing something to start it and I’m willing to make it work. I am so thankful for all the supportive and loving people in my life.

It feels great knowing that when you say you want lechon, someone would be waiting for you at the “lechonan” and you’re like “you’re kidding right?” and that person would go “nope, I’m at the third table extreme left from the entrance. Be careful when you cross the street, make sure you’re at the left isle so you can see the cars coming”. Then when you reach home, someone hears you knock and for some amazing reason this little boy knows it was you... I hear Zaak scream and giggle knowing that I was home. When I see Kuya in school, he knows where I always wait for him, he tries to surprise me and when I look, I see him smiling- happy to see Mama. God is the greatest! I lift everything up to you, oh God, we are nothing without you. We are yours faithfully; we praise you and adore you.

Sarbay Fest Was Still Fun Despite...

First blog for June, Ehem! I kind of gave myself the responsibility to post every month. When I read the blog posts I had each month of 2015, I realized how cool it is to be able to remember experiences I've had in the months of the year that passed.

Anyways, "my June" was interesting, it started with a BANG! I just mainly wanted to party because summer's about to be over and I'll be back to being the stage mom at school. Bas being at school eats up most of my time each week, I thought to myself that a weekend out of town wouldn't be so bad. After all, I was going with my most loved and trusted friends.

So, I did party... Not really, actually. When you're my age, you don't really know how to party anymore LOL! I mean, I like going out and all but it's just different now. Convenience is what's more important to me, like the bathroom, sleep, outfits, etc. I didn't really party a lot when I was younger but thinking about it now, I think I wouldn't have cared about the bathroom or my outfit as long as I was with friends and as long as I was getting drunk. LOL

We (my friends and I) went to experience the Sarbay Fest. I enjoyed the journey going there. Throwing jokes at the car as we drove, ate our baon and seeing places I thought I've already forgotten (since it wasn't my first time travelling that way). I enjoyed trying to sleep to prepare for the party in the evening, but I really couldn't because I listened to my friends talking and I laughed with them. It was sooo much fun!

When we got to the venue, our first challenge was the parking, and then when we finally got to the "tent city" which became our challenge the entire stay, it was awful- crowded and stinky. Not trying to sound maarte but I just couldn't... ugh! Okay, so since we were already there, we might as well just try to enjoy. We were so tired to cook, we decided that the men in our group grill the pork and fish we bought from Gensan Market. Yes, the tribe has spoken- "LET THE MEN DO THE COOKING!" ..and then we just bought rice from the stores nearby. The Spicy pork for dinner was awesome! (in all fairness)

Since we were oily and all, we wanted a deep in the sea, so we put on our swim suits! ...don't imagine too much though, we were just wearing shorts. LOL! Unfortunately, the shore was too crowded and some of our friends saw people pee at the shore. Imagine? Eww! People can be sooo messy and irresponsible sometimes. 

So we went back to our tent to put on our beach party outfits instead. As if! LOL.. 

That sums up the entire Sarbay experience. The morning after is more memorable, we went to another resort, a more decent one, for breakfast. We enjoyed the sea, the scenery and the food. We were able to take more decent pictures too haha! The mandatory travel pictures. (rolling eyes)

It was just a weekend adventure with my friends. Too bad some people weren't too happy about it. For God's sake, clean your dirty minds. I'm no longer young and stupid. Ever since (even when I was still young and stupid), I only do clean fun with my friends. Although I posted a bunch of liquor, I was just being a poser. It's an inside joke with me and my friends- the girls in the group being posers. Anyways, I don't wanna make a big deal out of it as I feel that it has already been taken a big deal- bigger than it should have been. I want to feel good when I remember it, so let's just move on. 

At least when my sons tell me that they're going out of town for a beach party, I can give them advises. I think it would also be cool to talk about when they're teens and I'm kind of old.. "kind of", you see I'm still in denial. LOL!!

More photos:


The "Tent City"


The liquor poser post LOL
I have to admit, I did taste them, but it's not my thing :)


Breakfast 


Being goofy in the car :D


Me ☻♥

I really want to put all the photos but I think they're redundant. Peace out, much love!

The Way You Make Me Feel

My birth month's almost over and so far it has been awesome. I want to say I couldn't ask for more, but the truth is, since I'm very happy and positive, all I want is to improve on all the things that I have and have been doing in my life. 

I'm not saying that I'm free from life issues, I'm not. I'm just choosing battles carefully, I guess. I have other things that I can focus my energy on- thank you!

I want to do the "Currently" stuff that I have been doing in my blog just so I can  update and sort out my feelings. It feels great to kind of express it into writing and I get to actually think deeply (deeply?lol) to ponder how things are. So let's see...

CURRENTLY

Reading
Emails.. well, spam emails LOL! I have a new role in the company and I believe the general email is now connected to my email, so I have been getting spam.

Writing 
I've paused on responding to some emails and now I'm starting to write my blog.

Listening 
To Twerk It Like Miley or whatever the title is. My agents like it so I downloaded it LOL


Thinking
Right now, I am thinking about a friend of mine who came from a really tough break up. It's hard to wake up one day realizing all the lies that your partner have been telling you. It's hard to accept that you've been lied to. Considering that you only wanted what is best for that person. It sucks to realize that you have different intentions. I hope I could wash away all her pain and I really hate it every time she mentions her past relationships with girls that hurt her. 

I am also thinking about my "Beshie", I introduced her yesterday to one of my closest friends from Abu Dhabi. He's Filipino, but we met in Abu Dhabi. It was a bit accidental because we just wanted to meet up and since I will be with someone, he asked me to bring a friend so he wouldn't be out of place. I thought about tagging my beshie along, since she's single and then I started thinking that they can actually be paired. They are both single and very good looking. So, I thought to myself, why not? Right? Well, I hope they click and find forever in each other.

Smelling
Nothing much, office air condition I guess?

Wishing
Whoa! First thing that popped out my mind is very private, sensitive and sort of nakakahiya (LOL)... So let me rephrase the sentences my brain is producing right now so I don't embarrass myself hahaha!!!

I just wish that this wouldn't end. I mean I know that things doesn't always stay permanent but I wish that we are headed to something awesome in our lives- love-life, career and endeavors.

Hoping
That the Duterte Administration will make a difference in the country. I am not trying to change the topic but every time I open my FB, I always see Duterte stuff and all I can do is hope and pray.

Wearing 
my Brown and Cream uniform. No pink uniform today LOL! I don't think I'll ever get to wear that uniform because it's too short now.

Loving
How things have improved in another aspect in my life. I'm just so thankful and I'm loving every bit of it.

Wanting
To start the new thing my friends and I want to start. I don't want to preempt it. So, let's just wait until everything is final.

Needing
Some new shoes and clothes. LOL! Hmm.. having thought of it in a more serious way, I realized that I need more time. It has been crazy these past few days, a lot have been going on and at one point I thought to myself that 24 hours in a day isn't really enough. There's so much that I want to do with my life that I want more hours in a day. LOL! I know it's funny (and crazy) but it makes a lot of sense for me. There's nothing I can do about it though, I will find a way to make things work, of course!

Feeling
Lucky and really Loved ♥
..and because of that, I feel very thankful too :)



One thing I really like about writing the "Currently" stuff is that I realize a lot of things as I end it. It's true that when you let go of things that hurt you, things that you cannot do anything about, you just need to accept it and that's when you can move on with life happily, very lightly but happy and carefree. I have never thought that I could be in this [happy] state. My life isn't perfect, believe me it's not. But I am appreciative of what I have and it makes me really happy. I have been in the deepest, darkest part of life and I thought that there was no getting out of it but I made it. Thank you Lord ^_^

Birthday Celebration 2016

My birthday celebration this year was a little complicated but still a lot of fun. It didn't start the way I wanted it to- my mama as usual... Thanks to Kai it didn't last that long. She video called me in FB and offered to show me her tits to stop me from crying. I laughed out loud instantly, she didn't need to show them to me (gross!). LOL!

At lunch, I went to Vikings and ate like a queen. I was showered with delicious food plate after plate (thank you po). Oh boy! Who would say no to the grasya, owmiged! After the feast, I couldn't even move. The draft beer contributed a lot to my about to be upset tummy. God, I couldn't burp. I needed to go around the buffet tables to feel better. I was mostly scared of puking in the resto, but I survived it! Yaaay! Will I do it again? YES :D

After lunch, we played bowling (to get rid of all the food we devoured at Vikings). At first I was beginning to feel like a pro bowler and then sucked at it a few minutes after, LOL! My partner was really good, he had some strikes and some spare but poor me almost didn't hit some pins in most of my turns. We lost because of me, but it was my birthday, so everyone was a good sport HAHA!

I bought roasted chickens and a lot of pancit canton for dinner. We ate at our house, where people was awkwardly annoying. My family is so conventional and didn't want to think outside the box. They were probably upset that I went out. I think it's just selfish. It was my birthday and I deserved to have fun. They always think that I'm putting my kids aside and I'm like- WHY THE F WOULD I??? They were okay when I bought food and then we (cha, kai and I) set up a little bonfire and spent some time with the kids having smores. The kids enjoyed it. I don't understand why they need to show that attitude instead of just being happy for me? Well, my rant against them will be in a different blog, I guess. 

Despite all their annoying-judging faces, I had fun. I was able to have fun with special people in my life who was happy to make me happy and, of course, my kids. 

So cheers to life at #30!

30th

Oh boy, time's flying so fast... I'll be 30 next week (Inshallah)! No biggie, really. I would always tell people that I still feel like I'm 24. It feels like I've never really changed at all. But when I get to talk to younger people, I can definitely tell the age difference (lol). It's true that experience is the best teacher, when you're older it means that you've experienced more than younger people did and I think that it's a great accomplishment. People my age doesn't need drama in our lives, I guess. Yes, we are emotional and all but we don't want to deal with it. We don't want to focus on it. I've written a lot of emotional sh*t here for sure, but it's just a phase in my life that I need to let out once in a while. 

Now that I'm 30, I feel like I'm old enough for a lot of things and old enough to have better opinions in life, such as...

Relationships: We (people my age) have already experienced a lot of heartbreak that we are better in relationships. We understand the opposite sex better than we did before. When I was younger everything was so ideal- a good guy spoils the girl, he should always hold the door for her, give her flowers, tell her sweet nothings, yadah yadah yahdah.. But now, I can say that being able to accept flaws, talking about differences and thinking about what's good for each other is more like what a relationship should be. We now know what to fight for and what to let go of (hopefully). It's not easy but who wants a fucked up relationship when the ocean's got plenty of fish? Right? #Goals

Family: Family is forever. They are the only ones who can accept you for who you are. They know your good and bad side but still loved you and are still there for you. They are the most important people in life. So, we take care of them and/or we argue with them but still we know that we're there for each other no matter what. Blood is thicker than water. #Mayforever

Friendships: By now, people my age (who took care of friendships) would have friends that they've kept for 10 years or more. These are friends that have become family. These are friends whom you trust the most that you can tell anything about and be who you really are without getting judged. These are people who've accepted you and your insanity. I have friends that I've been with since elementary and I'm so proud having them. I know that no matter what we can count on each other. I know that if we make mistakes we would be the first people to tell each other straight to our faces, we would always support and be happy for each others accomplishments and good relationships. We think about what's good for each other. It's true love- no insecurities and no competition. 

Career: When you're with the right people, they would encourage you to pursue a good career, support you and be happy for you. This is the time of anyone's life that you find your niche. It's the time that you plan and want more for yourself. When you desire something good, all the universe would conspire to help you, so be patient in life and just always do good. I always tell my kids that when you do good you'll never go wrong. Yes, sometimes people with bad intentions succeed in letting you down but believe that God will never leave your side and he will always give you something better. 

Thine self: At this age, you tend to love and respect yourself more. You're more comfortable about what you are because you know yourself better and you've wholeheartedly accepted your strengths and weaknesses. You know what you're good at so you highlight them. Just like wearing make up, you know you would look prettier with certain shades and, of course, it's what you always wear because you know it complements you. That is if you're not insecure. You see, insecurities eat up your well being, it blinds you from seeing the good that you're supposed to see in yourself. It's something that you should be able to identify in your personality so you can get over it. Knowing yourself- your strengths and weaknesses, you can easily identify what makes you happy and that's where you should focus your energy on. Sure there are things that make you feel bad and sad but you don't want to highlight it in your life because it wouldn't change anything. Hence, it would even make things worse. So, f*ck it! (I actually learned that recently from a good friend/co-worker/boss)

Just a brief warning though, don't be overly confident because too much of anything is poison. Sakto lang dapat :)

Life is imperfect but it's so beautiful. It's a gift that we need to preserve. So, now that I'm 30, I can happily say that I've learned a lot of lessons and I'm ready to apply them in the years to come. Everyday is a challenge of becoming a good person and a better person than you were the day before. Don't stress on it though, just appreciate life, always see good and positive things, then you'll be headed to the right direction. Commit mistakes and learn from them because it's part of life. 

Being able to write all these things have made me realize that I didn't have a lot of regrets in my life and although I'm not perfect, I've worked hard to always be on the good side to keep things together. I can look back and say that I've enjoyed 30 years of my life despite its flaws and complexities. I'm proud that I am living a life that I love, I'm happy, contented, positive and always striving to get the best out of my life :) ♥

Commitment is A Sad Love Affair

When the pain is so overwhelming, you wouldn't even know which words to use, it's better to just paint a picture...

You are emotionally unstable, you are emotionally insecure. you make things tragic BITCH so go screw yourself!!! You unworthy piece of shit!!! -The way you made me feel.. yes, it was tragic indeed.

She's Knows.... She's Stupid

"I have a lot of shortcomings, I know. But I can't give you anything more. This is the only kind of relationship I could give you. So, if you find someone new  or someone better, I will not get mad. I will totally understand. Just tell me and don't lie to me." he said. 

Those words kept reechoing in her mind and heart. She kept asking "Why can't he do more? Am I not worthy? After all that we have been through, you're willing to just let me go like that, because you just don't want to do or give more? Why? Damn it, he's telling me (straight to my face) that -I AM NOT GOING TO FIGHT FOR YOU, CUZ YOU'RE JUST NOT WORTH IT GIRL." She felt her heart melt as if someone poured acid to it. 

It only took six sentences for him to break her heart. It tore everything that she believed they had. It pounded her dreams into pieces. ONLY SIX SENTENCES crushed her world. That's how he meant to her but he just doesn't see it, doesn't even give value to it. He just keeps on accusing her of things she was afraid to do because she knew it would mean losing him. But then again, it doesn't matter because she can go whenever she wants to- when she finds someone better. She's confused because to her he was everything- everything she ever wanted and admired. "Would there be someone really better?" She wondered deeply and secretly hoped there would be because she knew she didn't deserve any of that, she knows it by heart. 

Though she hopes that someone would come along to save her from loving someone who couldn't love her back the same way, she still wants him to change and appreciate her someday. She's beginning to get tired carrying such a heavy heart though. She knows it's stupid but she loves him.