I was getting ready to
sleep when I saw posts from friends that they’ve passed the med board exam,
that they are now officially “First Last Name, MD”. How cool is that! I was
happy congratulating everyone. When I suddenly thought of you, it’s not that I
don’t think of you anymore, because I honestly do. This one’s just a little
pinch in the heart. Have you passed? I googled the names and there you are….
Ryg MOHbKEL NLhfe, MD. Wow! Boy! I was very happy, I almost jumped from my seat. I
wanted to cheer so loudly for you. I wanted to see your smile and your
happiness. I’m sure you’d be ecstatic. We would have jumped while hugging each
other… our smiles, cheers and laughter with your family and friends.
But because of a sudden
twist of fate a few years back, I am not going to celebrate with you, sadly. Although
I’ve been part of most of the difficult years when you were starting med school,
I won’t be there to kiss, hug and congratulate you. I have imagined that day
for so many times- How I’m going to rejoice with you and what I’m going to wear
on your victory party.
We both had shortcomings.
We both contributed to the death of our love. But today, as you rejoice, I am
breaking down. Don’t get me wrong, I wish you really well. I want the best for
you, believe me.
It’s just that now that
you passed the board, I know what happens next. I know because that was our
plan. That was once our plan. It sucks that I’m no longer part of it now. You
are making our dreams reality… but not with me, but with her.
There are times that I
would wake up in the middle of the night wanting to invent a time machine to
make things right in the past. It’s just not how things work. In this world, in
order for you to win, you need to move on. It’s hard but I know I can do this.
I can fix myself and find my forever. I still believe in love.
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