Exactly what I've learned before end of the year.
Gosh, I don't even know how to start this blog. It's just that right now I am in a position that I am ready to let go of people whom I think is undeserving of my love. You see, I am a very simple person- I love truly and even if I do not like a certain person, I would still wish them well and never wish something bad for them. I just feel that life is already tough, so why would I make it tougher for other people or why pay attention to people who are giving me stress.
I sent out "I love you" messages to 2 of my dearest friends last week. I told them that I just wanted to let them know that that is what I felt for them but actually it was my way of saying goodbye. I just do not like the idea that they are talking behind me. I've reached the point that I've had enough already. The culmination of it all was when this ex-friend stole my sale.
At work, when we speak to a client, we put a note in our system just so we would know if the client has been entertained by one of us already (sales people), if so, we SHOULD always respect each other and forward the client to whoever "owns" them based on the note. I made a sale 12/7 and put a note that I've already sold the client for regular services. At 12/11 Daven, our CEO, launches a webinar and had a different offer so this 12/7 sold client realizes he wanted the offer instead, he calls the office and is entertained by ex-friend. Upon opening our system, you would see the note and she should have forwarded it to me since my name was already in the note. BUT SHE DIDN'T! She instead closed the client with the new order and she even had the nerve to put a note with her name (OMG). So I confronted her along with the supposedly-special-friend-boss and asked them how the arrangement would be. I thought the supposedly-special-friend-boss would be fair, but to my surprise she wasn't and wanted to give the sale to ex-friend. My heart broke in an instant. I realized that if I don't stand up for my right, I would be pushed around for good. So I asked supposedly-special-friend-boss if it was okay for us to do that process (which would really mess up the sale process), she closed her eyes and said it's up to us. Of course, the ex-friend gave it to me. It's more than just the worth of the money but about being fair- to me. They already lambasted me in my personal life and now they are being unfair to me at work? Nooo... this can't be. I know I can stand up for my right but it's just so heartbreaking. I cannot take the fact that I am being treated like shit by people who actually matter to me. God grant me wisdom :(
Okay, so you probably think that I must have done something that made my friends turn their back on me. Yes and No.. apparently, someone's been gossiping about me having an affair/relationship with one of our workmates (BAE). He is a VERY VERY good friend of mine. I love him, I love being with him- he's a dear friend of mine... A FRIEND! (effin %^$&^$&$!!!!) All these buzz and back stabbing gave people (my friends) a pre-conceived notion that every time I did something with him (even when I talk to BAE) they would instantly think that there's something going on between us. When the Call Center Director confronted us (last 2014)- our jaws literally dropped. We couldn't believe that it reached top management. First question on my mind was "WHAT, COME AGAIN???". I didn't know how to answer because it never touched my mind. Second was "Where are all of these coming from?". It was the director and the supposedly-special-friend-boss who confronted me, they were so upset and I didn't completely understand why. They mentioned a lot of things to me and ALL of the stuff they mentioned came from 1 person. You see, I don't share much about what's going on with me to random people I don't fully trust. So, it was easy for me to pin point as to from whom the gossip came from... the ex-friend.
It lead me to the conclusion that it was because of that one unfortunate night. So let me recall... Jed's dad died and so on Saturday (our off), we all agreed to pay respects. Ex-friend and I were still pretty close during that time and she already told me that she had a crush on BAE. So I wanted to tease her by inviting BAE with us. Like I said, BAE and I are pretty close so when I invited him he would surely come. We met at the wake and decided to have "Pag2" at a local bar. We had a bucket of beer and that's when it all started. I was quite comfortable with both of them so it was okay for me wherever I sat, so I just sat and waited for them to find their own seats. I didn't know that she wanted to sit with BAE but since BAE was more comfortable with me, he sat beside me. Had I known that it would lead to this, I would have backed up. For God's sake. She was already yelling at me to move away, pulling my chair away from BAE. I really didn't like the way I was treated but since I was being a good friend, I just let her be. BAE was drinking my beer, he's probably thinking that I couldn't handle too much of it. He's usually very nice with me. That's why I like his company. So ex-friend pretended to be drunk so he can sleep with BAE- Yes, she wanted to F*&$ him. She admitted it in one of the text messages she sent me. I kept the screenshots. BUT poor me wasn't oriented so I didn't know what was going on. FYI- me and my friends only had clean fun before so I really didn't know what she was up to. As a concerned friend, I made sure I knew she goes straight home and that I knew the cab she was on. When BAE and I were in the cab going home- he dropped me near our house since it was on the way, she showered me with text messages yelling/telling me that I killed the night for her, that she wasn't drunk and all. I just told her that I didn't know. I had no plans of telling anyone about it since it's kind of "sensitive", I didn't want to embarrass her.
BUT TO MY HORROR, she already turned the entire story around and told our supposedly-special-friend-boss that she didn't know why BAE joined us to pay respects to Jed's dad. And a whole bunch of exaggerated lies. Poor me on the other hand, was caught off guard. I didn't know what to say and how to prove them wrong. I cried and prayed for days.
I think that was the beginning of it all. Or maybe there's something deeper. I just couldn't figure out why because BAE and I are single- Single parents. LOL. We have no respective partners so we are free to date if ever. We are not the only people who are in office romance if ever. Ex-friend and supposedly-special-friend-boss are also in the same thing. So is it me? Or is it BAE?
I don't know if I would ever figure out the answer. All I know is that I am truly hurt. Supposedly-special-friend-boss is very dear to me. I never looked at her as someone I could use due to her position. In fact, I just realized that I've always wanted to please her and I am proud of how successful she's become. It really hurts that she thinks of me that way. We used to be very okay or maybe that is what I believed to be. Meanwhile, I have another ex-special-friend whom I love sooo sooo dearly who watched everything without feeling any remorse towards me. For ex-friend, I wasn't even surprised about it.
So now, a new year is coming, I will no longer love or even care for people who didn't feel the same for me. I may love them but they don't deserve it.
There is a purpose for this Lord. I surrender to you. I lift up all these pain I feel in my heart unto you. I pray that you will guide me in the coming year. I pray that you will help me discern people in my life. You will show me who to trust, Oh Lord. Thank you for all your blessings and for your unconditional love. I praise you and I adore you for I am nothing without you.
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