Viva El Papa

I am not a religious person although I believe in a supreme being and I call him Lord God Jesus Christ. He has blessed me more than I can imagine, more than words can say. I can truly attest that I am nothing without him. Without him, I will never survive the "storms" I have been in my life. 

With the recent visit of Pope Francis in the country, millions of my fellow Catholics gathered in grounds, rain or shine, to see the Pope. I kept mum about it at first because like I said I am not religious but I respect other people's opinion. If they like being "fanatic" with the pope then I respect it and I hold nothing against them. I know that the Pope is our church's leader. He was appointed by something divine. All bishops are gathered in a room, they just pray, they will not go out until the name of the new Pope comes out. "Habemus Papam" is what they shout with a white smoke in the chimney to proclaim the new Pope. That is all I know and I respect it with all my heart. With technology, information and education, you get to formulate your own opinion and start questioning things. Although, I am not worthy to question Christs' holiness, I do not really know the truth about religions and their traditions. I respect but I do not know if I should believe it or not. All I believe in is the Lord that held my hand, comforted me in times of sorrow, laughed and smiled with me in times of happiness, he listened and answered my prayers. He never left my side.

Since I got sick last weekend, I have no choice but to stay at home and watch the news marathon about the Pope. My Aunt is super die hard with the Pope. She'd really get upset if she missed anything. So I was just in the living room most of the time with my kids. We watched the Pope and listened to stories about him. I also got the chance to watch his homily and his reminder for people. From time to time, his sayings are also flashed on screen. As I got to know him, I am enlightened about his holiness, the divine "something" (unexplainable) that is with him that makes people somehow melt into his presence. I can say that my faith was even stronger and renewed. He is indeed a messenger. Then I remembered, God uses different instruments to get to people- some odd and some are popular like the Pope. He's truly blessed and even just watching him from the television, I am touched. I was teary eyed most of the time. I felt someone touched my heart and I knew it was the Lord that always held my hand. I know it because I know him so well. 

Thank you Lord for making me such a smart person with a heart so pure. That even with all the information I have on my palm, my heart is still very pure and open to let you in it and that's all that matters. 

Ms. Grumpy's Ghost

I try so hard not to unleash Ms. Grumpy because I know that she's mean, heartless, cruel, rude and everything devilish. She's the "The Devil Wears Prada" kind of person, she doesn't wear Prada though (she can't afford it). Her thoughts are frequent visitors of my peaceful and happy mind. She haunts like a ghost from the past. If you could see her eyes, they are beautiful but deceitful like her smile. She is a charmer and a killer. 

I met her in my early teenage life. She is very ambitious and she thinks highly of herself. She feeds on weak people. She devours them like a piece of cake. When she talks, she talks- she doesn't think about other people's feelings. Her words can pierce like an arrow to your soul. When she walks in a room, she knows people stare at her and though she knows they don't like her, that they stare because they are afraid of her next move, she loves it. She loves the thought that she has this effect on people. She liked being bad.  

Years have passed since I last saw her. People grew up and chose different paths.  People learned from their mistakes. When people age, they know the advantage of being nice and good, it's nice to be loved and praised rather than being judged and hated.

But what happened to Ms Grumpy? Did she age gracefully? Did she learn from her mistakes? Honestly... I don't think so. Once in a while, I can hear her voice echo in my mind. I can hear her footsteps. She's just out there lurking, waiting for a chance to come back and avenge herself for being kept in the deep dark meadows of my mind.

Silence of MY Lambs

I am deaf today. My sore throat has gone worst. I cannot speak. There is silence in my own little world. I've never enjoyed silence cuz I always have a lot to say. Maybe the people around me enjoy it?

They say that when there is silence there is peace. But not in my case. For me, when there is silence, there is awkwardness. When there is silence, there is something wrong. It's like something needs to be fixed. The world is not meant to be silent. Silence means lonely, alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't like being alone. 

Aside from the loneliness you feel when alone, you also imagine a lot of nasty and scary things. I remember when I was alone in the house before, just when I start to enjoy my "me" time, I start to imagine the scary scenes from movies I've watched. I imagine Michael Myers is upstairs with his huge knife looking for me or that the zombie apocalypse have started. Sometimes I imagine a white lady floating at the stairs. I even hear someone bang the door from one of the rooms upstairs. I know it's silly but when you're alone and the house is filled with silence, you start hearing and seeing things. It's like the universe is telling you to make some noise so you won't be invaded with unknown entities. I know I am such a Freakazoid. LOL.

Best cure to this madness, is my favorite playlist. Though the playlist would also feed a lot of emotions and memories to you, it's better than being scared. Music is always a good company when alone. It never asks, it only makes you agree on every word it tells you. Actually music is like a mirror of your personality. You don't choose music that doesn't fit you. Melancholic people would never choose Nicki Minaj, would they? Anyway, TV is not really an option for me, I am not a musician, I am far from being one but I don't like the TV commercials/advertisements. I like watching movies though but the repetitive advertisements make me sick. It's not my thing. 

I am not really alone right now but it feels like I am. No one wants to talk to me cuz they don't like to hear my monster-like-voice. Also, it's kinda hard to express yourself when every time you try to speak your throat aches like hell while they can barely even hear your voice. Next thought that comes to my mind is- Where's the pharmacy?

To Be or Not To Be

Boy, Hamlet must be really confused. The phrase "To be or not to be" is like a cry for help.

CHANCES: that is what I always tell myself, the only thing you could give yourself is a chance- a chance to be happy again. Chances are infinite. You never run out of chances to give yourself or someone but the only question is- up to what extent?

Did you ever want someone so bad that  you cannot even express yourself very well. I paused to think of a word that fits how I feel but NONE surfaces. It's just too much. It's consuming me so badly that I want to STOP. All these yearning is going to get me nowhere.

But every time I see him smile at me, every time he looks at me, all I can think about is when will I ever get to be with him again. When can I touch him again, when can I kiss him again and when can I hug him again. The candy kisses he give me are so tempting, it makes me melt into his arms. We make plans and we both know we like to be with each other. And I am okay with it. I signed up for this. If only I can take a glance at the future to make sure everything is OK for him. Especially for him, he's just going through a lot and I cannot be a burden.

"So this is goodbye?" I asked him. All he did was hug me even tighter, tapped my face and ran his fingers through my hair as if he was trying to brush the thought away. "No, we don't have to. I don't want to"... It just isn't fair. But I let it happen. My fear is that when I let this flow and feelings start to grow that eventually it will break us both or worse it will break me (just me). But why fear the future when no one really knows what it is? I've planned my life before. I didn't just plan it, I worked hard for it. But still it never happened. You don't decide. Oh God... TO BE OR NOT TO BE?