When The Time Comes...

Heartbreak is part of life. If you haven't experienced it then you have not lived fully. You must be so guarded that you did not allow your heart to be broken. I am glad to have experienced heartbreak. I'm glad to have survived it. I am stronger now and I like the new me =)

You see, I have accepted heartbreak- first you cry, you grieve, you feel insecure, you yearn for the person, you even beg, that unexplanable pain you feel in your heart (even physical pain), your face, shoulders and feet feels heavy. You know they are right about pain, that cliche that says the problem with pain is that it demands to be felt. That darn feeling is demanding (lol). But you see, yes, it demands to be felt but it doesn't stay forever (nothing is forever after all- lol). Pain ends, now that's good news! So don't worry about heartbreak because it ends.  It's just a phase that you go through, that people go through. AS LONG AS YOU HELP YOURSELF get over it. It's just like pilling off the skin, you need to get humiliated with all the ugly traces of the skin while it's pilling BUT when all the pilling is over, you get more beautiful skin. Because the skin that's pilled off are mostly dead skin, useless- unwanted. It's funny I related it to skin pilling off, it's like gross but I think they're sort of the same. Just try to read between the lines.

Actually, the million dollar question is- AM I READY FOR ANOTHER HEARTBREAK? April, my team mate is experiencing heartbreak right now and I have to admit that giving advises is somewhat fun. I feel like a pro in these things. I feel like I'm strong and I know it very well. Experience is a good teacher anyway. 

So when the time comes that I will receive a text or when he tells me he don't want me anymore, I would...

"Ahm, ok" #NgaNga

a. Not say anything and accept whatever he says. After all, I knew that I shouldn't be expecting anything more. 

"Pleasseee don't go" :(

b. BEG- begging is something that I've done and will do for special people in my life. But this would be the last option. 

huhuhuhuhuhuhu

c. Not say anything but cry- cry my heart out (in front of him) because I couldn't help the tears- the pain. Sooo Emo (psychotic actually)...lol

"Why??? I can change for you" (with a snap of a finger)

d. Ask him why? And try to bargain... this is somewhat pathetic but I think this would depend on what would be the reason he wants to dump me. 

"Oh hindeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!"

E. Become hysterical! "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!" "AAAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" ...LOL Not an option at all.

"Goodbye unkind word!" :(

F. Become suicidal. Why can't you love me the way I love you? I would rather die than live this life without. (do you see the side bangs?lol #emo)

I really couldn't imagine. I cannot internalize. I don't want it to happen. But knowing myself, I think I will still tell him how special he is for me, how much I love him but I respect his decision. I am hurt but I will accept it. I will tell him that I knew this day would come and so I tried to prepare myself. Although you can never really prepare for something like that. I will accept it like a noble person, I will show that I am a strong woman. BUT when I get to be alone, that's when the real show begins. I will isolate myself for a time and deal with the heartache myself. 

Oh God... knock on wood, God forbid. I don't want this to happen anytime soon. So, let's just change the topic. #KBye

Birthday Chorv

Happy birthday to me!!! Ever since I was a child, I've always thought/felt that May is the second happiest month of the year next to December (obviously). Probably because I was raised by an overly loving grandparents (and family) who spoiled me and until now that I'm 29 I still feel the same way. Who cares? It's my birthday :)

The way you make feel :) ♥

This year, my team surprised me. I love surprises and they nailed it. I knew they were up to something- thanks to my spoiler, but I didn't know what they were about to do. So I went to the office very happy thinking that I will be surprised. But as usual, the "tanga" in me prevented me from actually noticing that I am being surprised (lol- nothing new). When I came, everyone greeted me and made me feel happy (#GGSS and feeling special lol). When I reached our isle, my team wasn't there except for Nino who was in his workstation telling me that he was late and so I thought that maybe the rest of the team was having a meeting. When they went out Nino told me that he needed to talk to me about a problem. Nino's uncle just died so I thought that he needed to be absent or something. So we went inside our director's office (also serves as a conference room) and talked about problems that (well) broke my heart. I didn't say anything because I know that the moment I open my mouth and start talking, tears would stream down. I didn't want to do that- with all the people outside- NO WAY! So I stood up and told him "okay, what a great news on my birthday!". I had a mental note- we'll just talk later. Nino and I have known each other for quite a while and hearing the news made me REALLY sad. Trying to avoid an outburst of emotion (on my birthday) and in the office, I lead us both outside the room. There was a small pathway from the office to the main call center floor so while I was walking I was thinking, "Ok dont be emotional just talk later when you have time and don't allow people to notice you're sad cuz they probably didn't know what Nino's problem was and a gazillion more thoughts in my mind. Just right after a wore my "happy mask", Norvie, shouted at the top her lungs- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" That's when everything made sense. Aside from the relief knowing that the news was all made up, I was just happy being surprised. They gave me a cake, flowers, a balloon, a gigantic card, clash of clans shirt from Nino. There I was- a very happy birthday celebrant. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH :)

But wait, there's more! During the break, Ate Weng brought FOOD!!! I'm so lucky with my team. They are very sweet and thoughtful. Thanks to Ate Weng everyone was full and satisfied, we had dinuguan, langka something, abodo and of course the cake. They also gave me more gifts (would you believe it- HA! VERY HAPPY :D) - Ate Weng gave me earings and Glenfe and Rocnie gave me a mug. Not to mention the overwhelming FB greetings. I knew my entire day would be positive, happy and light. The little girl in me is very satisfied and happy. I went home and spent time with the kids and then early afternoon I needed to leave for some birthday treats and then SNR late afternoon. 

...and then my day started to feel gloomy. I tried to call Cha so she can join us in SNR since her house is just a few minutes away and of course I want to spend my birthday with at least one of my best friends since Shanice is in Panabo and Philip doesn't celebrate birthdays as he is a Jehovah's witness. Anyway, when I called Cha, She didn't pick up so I called her sister- Ate Grace, who informed me that Cha is in the hospital. She had a seizure and a bad fall. Her lips was cut and very swollen and that her face is bruised- that broke me in an instant. I couldn't speak and tears just started to stream in my eyes. I wanted to see her but I didn't want to leave the people who set aside time for me and made an effort for my birthday so I thought about seeing her after SNR and before karaoke. Ate Grace said her lips needed to be stitched. I didn't get to see her because she had surgery and finished late. But we talk on the phone and I got somehow relieved.

But wait, there's more! People started texting me and sending me FB messages

And then Imma be like...lol

that my kids' Dad uploaded pictures of him and his new girlfriend. Wow! Great timing. (lol) It's not that I am still affected or that I still have feelings for him but I hate to think that he's like a shadow following me. Can't I live without his shadow? God it's been more than a year. I want to live a life free of him. He's like a baggage. And him being reckless and not caring about what would people say or what would his children feel, his family or even my family, our friends, my friends in the friend list, only goes to show that he is immature. And so they got dissed, and there we are- TALK OF THE TOWN. That's the reason why I keep things in the low. I don't like people stepping in. I don't like people talk about me, I don't want to hear people's comments that would affect my mood and of course my happiness. Well, good for him cuz he ain't here. Duh! He annoys the crap out of me.

Enough with that guy, he's already had too much of my attention. It's not that I don't get curious, because I do- I looked at the pictures. Well, it wasn't a shocker. I knew about her months ago already. His sister told me about it. Anyway, after SNR is karaoke time. Another great timing is my sore throat. I was so excited about going karaoke that Lj, Norvie, April and I were already in Karaoke mode in Spotify that morning. So when it's finally karaoke time, all my voice were gone (ok, there's no such thing as perfect). So I just danced and did lip sync the entire night. The night was still young when we went home. I had a short fight but still ended up nicely. At least I know how much effort was exerted and that I am being cared about. So I slept comfortably and ready for the Pacquiao fight in the morning. :)

To sum it all up, I was a happy baby girl! Yay! ♥ 

Thank you Jesus and thanks to my kids, family, workmates and... to everyone lol

PS: Pacquiao lost- Mayweather was more of Gayweather. He just ran and hugged Pacquiao. People weren't happy about it. Gayweather was bullied by the netizens for days or even weeks.